We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
