Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
you had me at cake vodka
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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