Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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