I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize
