you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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