how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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