So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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