I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
