Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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