I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
