I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
