it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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