i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
