I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
