i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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