Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
