I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
its liver damage thursday
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
