Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
