if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
