I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
