I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
