My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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