The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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