I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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