Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
