I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
my liver is dry heaving
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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