Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
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