I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
