I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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