She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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