Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
