and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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