i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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