3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
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Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
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This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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