Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
two words: eviction party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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