How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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