i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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