That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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