Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
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you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
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This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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