I cannot find my penis.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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