Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
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