she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
