Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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