time to smoke my breakfast
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
