did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
