No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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