So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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