so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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