Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
