I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
