Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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