so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
