He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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