There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
