can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I seem to have left my pride at pride
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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