I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
