i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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