i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Congratulations! We have a period
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