I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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