someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Let's get the cat blown out
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
