Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
