his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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