I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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