I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
