I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
