I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
