Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
